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I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.

Derek Landy

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Derek Landy
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: October 23
Author
Screenwriter
Writer
Conspiracy
Possibly
Pleasant
Commit
Murder
Littering
Placing
Arrest

More quotes by Derek Landy

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Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.' 'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?' 'She's three months.' 'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years?
Derek Landy
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I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.
Derek Landy
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I shall live forever. And I don't mean in a metaphorical sense. I don't mean I'll live forever in the hearts and minds of my readers. I mean I will literally live forever, drawing as I do from your pain and suffering.Your pain makes me strong.
Derek Landy
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If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart.
Derek Landy
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You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that? I try my best.
Derek Landy
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Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.
Derek Landy
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I love you.' 'Yeah, well...' 'You make my heart want to beat.' 'That's nice and creepy. But I'm with Fletcher.(...) Also, these proclamations of your undying love for me are getting kind of... it's a bit much to be honest. Just hold back a little.' 'But my love for you is eternal.' 'That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Derek Landy
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Desmond, don't poke the baby!'... 'I'll get you next time-' Don't threaten the baby either!'.
Derek Landy
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Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.” “Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.
Derek Landy
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This girl (Stephanie) is but a few months away from her seventeenth birthday and already she has saved the world and killed a god. What have you done?
Derek Landy
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Enjoy that?' Tanith said with a little grin. Valkryie grinned back, her eyes bright. 'I keep telling Skulduggery he should get a bike.' What does he say?' He says people who wear leathers, like you, should ride motorbikes. People who wear exquisite suits, like him, should drive Bentleys.
Derek Landy
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I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?” Skulduggery asked. “I don’t think you appreciate the sacrifice that has been made for you.
Derek Landy
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Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff. ... Nobody moved, or said anything, for the next few moments. Old-fashioned standoffs are mighty borin
Derek Landy
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You look angry, he said. You put me on hold. For a very good reason. You put me, she said very, very slowly, on hold.
Derek Landy
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Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe fire, I’m only eight feet tall and I’ve never eaten a newborn that didn’t have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What’s yours?
Derek Landy
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They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. They've obviously never met me.
Derek Landy
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Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.
Derek Landy
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Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.' And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.
Derek Landy
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So he has no head' 'Thats usually what headless means' 'No head at all?' 'Your really not getting the whole headless thing are you?' 'Its just kind of silly even for us.
Derek Landy
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There's a clock on the wall. Press your hand against the face and turn it very slightly to the. Left. There'll be a click to tell you it's done. Sounds easy enough. Yes it does, said Sanguine. Kiss for good luck? Maybe later, said Gracious. How about a handshake? Asked Donegan.
Derek Landy