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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Ads
Hey
Target
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Dennis Miller
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
Dennis Miller
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There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
Dennis Miller
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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
Dennis Miller
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And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
Dennis Miller
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That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
Dennis Miller
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Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.
Dennis Miller
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
Dennis Miller
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Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
Dennis Miller
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
Dennis Miller
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To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.
Dennis Miller
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Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
Dennis Miller
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
Dennis Miller
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I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.
Dennis Miller
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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
Dennis Miller
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When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
Dennis Miller
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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
Dennis Miller
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
Dennis Miller