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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
Dennis Miller
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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
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Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
American
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Lotta
More quotes by Dennis Miller
The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
Dennis Miller
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
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Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.
Dennis Miller
I'd rather be funny than wise.
Dennis Miller
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
Dennis Miller
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
Dennis Miller
By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.
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Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.
Dennis Miller
That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?
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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
Dennis Miller
Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.
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And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
Dennis Miller
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
Dennis Miller
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.
Dennis Miller
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.
Dennis Miller
That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
Dennis Miller
