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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
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Pittsburg
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Dennis Michael Miller
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
Dennis Miller
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
Dennis Miller
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
Dennis Miller
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
Dennis Miller
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
Dennis Miller
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That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
Dennis Miller
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
Dennis Miller
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Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
Dennis Miller
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
Dennis Miller
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In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
Dennis Miller
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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
Dennis Miller
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And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
Dennis Miller
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
Dennis Miller
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We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
Dennis Miller
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Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.
Dennis Miller
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At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.
Dennis Miller
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
Dennis Miller
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller