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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Fell
Would
Drugs
World
Drug
People
Saws
Away
Around
Lawns
Government
Spin
Take

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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
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I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.
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Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.
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If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
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I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.
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Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
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I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
Dennis Miller