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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Around
Government
Lawns
Take
Spin
Would
Fell
World
Drugs
People
Drug
Saws
Away

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Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
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Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
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The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for?
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
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So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
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