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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
Dennis Miller
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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Would
Fell
World
Drugs
People
Drug
Saws
Away
Around
Government
Lawns
Take
Spin
More quotes by Dennis Miller
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
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The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.
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In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
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I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
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Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.
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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
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The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.
Dennis Miller
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.
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