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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Screw
Easiest
Screws
Parenting
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
Dennis Miller
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Dennis Miller
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And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
Dennis Miller
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So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.
Dennis Miller
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The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn't get any work done.
Dennis Miller
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
Dennis Miller
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Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.
Dennis Miller
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If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
Dennis Miller
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Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.
Dennis Miller
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Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
Dennis Miller
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Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
Dennis Miller
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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
Dennis Miller
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
Dennis Miller
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That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?
Dennis Miller
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Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
Dennis Miller
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Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.
Dennis Miller
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There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
Dennis Miller
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
Dennis Miller
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Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.
Dennis Miller
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
Dennis Miller