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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Screw
Easiest
Screws
Parenting
Jobs

More quotes by Dennis Miller

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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
Dennis Miller
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For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.
Dennis Miller
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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
Dennis Miller
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
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The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
Dennis Miller
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Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Dennis Miller
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
Dennis Miller
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
Dennis Miller
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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
Dennis Miller
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
Dennis Miller
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They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.
Dennis Miller
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The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn't get any work done.
Dennis Miller
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The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.
Dennis Miller
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
Dennis Miller
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Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'
Dennis Miller
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I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what he says. And there are times I think, Oh, my God. How could he say that.
Dennis Miller
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What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?
Dennis Miller
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
Dennis Miller
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I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.
Dennis Miller
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
Dennis Miller