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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 70
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Giants
Blindfolded
Fingers
Auto
Around
Foam
Best
Psychiatrist
Even
Hood
Like
Mechanic
Giant
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Poking

More quotes by Dennis Miller

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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
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I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep my nose out of other people's personal business. I guess I fall into conservative when it comes to protecting the United States in a world where a lot of people hate the United States.
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
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After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
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Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
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Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
Dennis Miller
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I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
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TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and twenties.
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
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The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.
Dennis Miller
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Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.
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What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?
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