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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Paper
Equal
American
Water
Self
Towel
Made
Towels
Absorbed
Parts

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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.
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I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.
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It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.
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Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
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Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
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We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
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Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
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Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.
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We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
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Ah, Feminism in the nineties, what a What is yours what is mine field.
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
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