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Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Denied
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Quick
Martha
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Sell
Stewart
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Documents
Biotech
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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
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The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
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That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
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Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.
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It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
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Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
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It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
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When your mother starts using the word party as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.
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I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
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I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
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When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
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The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
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Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
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I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.
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There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
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If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
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