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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
God
Courses
Goat
Course
Goats
Four
Officer
Young
Referring
Ladies
Officers
Stupidity

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With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
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If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
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In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
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Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
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Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.
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If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
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I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.
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Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
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Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.
Dennis Miller