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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Course
Goats
Four
Officer
Young
Referring
Ladies
Officers
Stupidity
God
Courses
Goat

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I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
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Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.
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We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
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Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
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Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
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It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
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America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
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Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
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For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.
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That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?
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Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.
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