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By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Summarily
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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When your mother starts using the word party as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.
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There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.
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Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
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Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
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Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
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Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
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Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
Dennis Miller