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By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Summarily
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Employment

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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.
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Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
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That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?
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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
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Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
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Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
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And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
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That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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