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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
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Film Producer
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Podcaster
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Television Actor
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Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
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By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
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Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
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I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
Dennis Miller
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
Dennis Miller
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Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
Dennis Miller
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Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Dennis Miller
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Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
Dennis Miller
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I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
Dennis Miller
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
Dennis Miller
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The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn't get any work done.
Dennis Miller