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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Thinking
Like
Guys
Kill
Dangerous
Guy
Women
Trying
Think
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Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
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I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.
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There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
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I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
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To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.
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Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for?
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The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
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Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
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Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
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The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
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When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.
Dennis Miller
