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There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Didn
Early
Vessels
Become
Laughing
Abject
Need
Please
Lure
Enough
Doubt
Terrifying
Needs
Attention
Vessel
Love
Show
Approval
Lures
Life
Business
Grown
Gaping
People
Shows
Laugh
Bottomless

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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
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Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.
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The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.
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I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
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There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
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You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
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That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?
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Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
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Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.
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Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
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