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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Suicides
Highway
Highways
Suicide
Animals
Dead
Animal
Many

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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
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Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.
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The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn't get any work done.
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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
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That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
Dennis Miller
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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
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The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
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America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
Dennis Miller
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
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The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
Dennis Miller
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Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong.
Dennis Miller
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Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
Dennis Miller
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After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
Dennis Miller
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A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'
Dennis Miller
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Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
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And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
Dennis Miller