Quote

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Sign
World
Ones
Future
Inspirational
Home
Children
Kind
Nursing
Good

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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
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Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.
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We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
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Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal wall weakens and cannot provide adequate support to the urethra, thus causing leaking. The good news is that women with SUI have many different treatment options available to them.
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
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In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.
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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
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That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
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