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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Elle
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.
Dennis Miller
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America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
Dennis Miller
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Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.
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The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they're being followed by a National Geographic film crew.
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
Dennis Miller
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Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
Dennis Miller
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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
Dennis Miller
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At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.
Dennis Miller
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By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.
Dennis Miller
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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Dennis Miller
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The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
Dennis Miller
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The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, You mean I'm not going to prison?
Dennis Miller
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There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.
Dennis Miller
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
Dennis Miller
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
Dennis Miller
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Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Dennis Miller
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I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.
Dennis Miller
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
Dennis Miller
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.
Dennis Miller