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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
Dennis Miller
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
Dennis Miller
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Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
Dennis Miller
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
Dennis Miller
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That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
Dennis Miller
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Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.
Dennis Miller
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
Dennis Miller
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Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
Dennis Miller
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Ah, Feminism in the nineties, what a What is yours what is mine field.
Dennis Miller
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I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.
Dennis Miller
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South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
Dennis Miller
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Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.
Dennis Miller
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
Dennis Miller
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
Dennis Miller
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
Dennis Miller
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By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.
Dennis Miller
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The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
Dennis Miller
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
Dennis Miller