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If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Wanted
Little
Done
Long
Would
Toad
Time
Toads
Ice
Littles

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Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.
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A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'
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What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?
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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
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I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
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I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.
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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
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Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.
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You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
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Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
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Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
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Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
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Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
Dennis Miller