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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Recite
Seen
Tyson
Since
Alphabet
Someone
Mike
Havens
Tried
Haven
Football

More quotes by Dennis Miller

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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.
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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
Dennis Miller
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
Dennis Miller
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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
Dennis Miller
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Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Dennis Miller
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
Dennis Miller
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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
Dennis Miller
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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
Dennis Miller
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I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.
Dennis Miller
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
Dennis Miller
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
Dennis Miller
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
Dennis Miller
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The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, You mean I'm not going to prison?
Dennis Miller
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The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
Dennis Miller
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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.
Dennis Miller
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
Dennis Miller
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That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.
Dennis Miller