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After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Years
Involved
Things
Rest
Bathrooms
Never
Sure
Wallpaper
Love
Together
Bathroom
Firsts
Mystery
Need
Couple
First
Marriage
Needs
Second

More quotes by Dennis Miller

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TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and twenties.
Dennis Miller
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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
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A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
Dennis Miller
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Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
Dennis Miller
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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
Dennis Miller
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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
Dennis Miller
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
Dennis Miller
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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
Dennis Miller
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
Dennis Miller
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Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal wall weakens and cannot provide adequate support to the urethra, thus causing leaking. The good news is that women with SUI have many different treatment options available to them.
Dennis Miller
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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
Dennis Miller
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If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
Dennis Miller
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
Dennis Miller
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Dennis Miller
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Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.
Dennis Miller
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How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
Dennis Miller
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America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
Dennis Miller
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
Dennis Miller
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At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.
Dennis Miller