Quote

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Dennis Miller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Things
Rest
Bathrooms
Never
Sure
Wallpaper
Love
Together
Bathroom
Firsts
Mystery
Need
Couple
First
Marriage
Needs
Second
Years
Involved

More quotes by Dennis Miller

Image
Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
Dennis Miller
Image
Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.
Dennis Miller
Image
TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and twenties.
Dennis Miller
Image
I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
Dennis Miller
Image
I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
Dennis Miller
Image
Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents.
Dennis Miller
Image
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
Dennis Miller
Image
The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.
Dennis Miller
Image
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.
Dennis Miller
Image
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
Dennis Miller
Image
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
Dennis Miller
Image
Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.
Dennis Miller
Image
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.
Dennis Miller
Image
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
Dennis Miller
Image
South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
Dennis Miller
Image
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
Dennis Miller
Image
I preume there are far too many abortions performed in this country. And I also believe that at the end of the day, as much as I might disapprove, none of them are really any of my business.
Dennis Miller
Image
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Dennis Miller
Image
How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.
Dennis Miller
Image
Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
Dennis Miller