Quote

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Dennis Miller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dennis Miller
Age: 70
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Years
Involved
Things
Rest
Bathrooms
Never
Sure
Wallpaper
Love
Together
Bathroom
Firsts
Mystery
Need
Couple
First
Marriage
Needs
Second

More quotes by Dennis Miller

Image
Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
Dennis Miller
Image
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
Dennis Miller
Image
I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what he says. And there are times I think, Oh, my God. How could he say that.
Dennis Miller
Image
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
Dennis Miller
Image
Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Dennis Miller
Image
The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, You mean I'm not going to prison?
Dennis Miller
Image
Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.
Dennis Miller
Image
Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.
Dennis Miller
Image
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
Dennis Miller
Image
The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.
Dennis Miller
Image
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
Dennis Miller
Image
There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.
Dennis Miller
Image
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Dennis Miller
Image
Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
Dennis Miller
Image
When your mother starts using the word party as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.
Dennis Miller
Image
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
Image
I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.
Dennis Miller
Image
My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.
Dennis Miller
Image
Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
Image
I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
Dennis Miller