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After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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Second
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Bathrooms
Never
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
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To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
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When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.
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Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
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Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.
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The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
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When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
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Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.
Dennis Miller
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It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
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I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.
Dennis Miller
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There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.
Dennis Miller
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So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.
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Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.
Dennis Miller
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There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.
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When your mother starts using the word party as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.
Dennis Miller