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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
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Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
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Dennis Michael Miller
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
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I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.
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TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and twenties.
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To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.
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A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'
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Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
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And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?
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It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
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Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.
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I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
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Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.
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It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
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I'd rather be funny than wise.
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.
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Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
Dennis Miller