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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Groceries
Eleven
Habits
Eating
Habit
Humor
Cart
Funny
Carts
Use
Grocery

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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
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I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.
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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
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Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?
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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.
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Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
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With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.
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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
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Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam We're #1 finger.
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American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.
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Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.
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The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
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If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
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There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.
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