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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Important
Parenting
Keeping
Planet
Planets
Nation
Nations
Jobs
Gary
Next
Highways

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That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.
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Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
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When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
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For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.
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I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
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Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?
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I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.
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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion
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The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
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And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
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The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
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The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
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Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.
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It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
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