Quote

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Dennis Miller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
Time
Rant
Letting
Guilt
Humor
Simply
Funny
Way
Good

More quotes by Dennis Miller

Image
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Dennis Miller
Image
Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.
Dennis Miller
Image
The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.
Dennis Miller
Image
Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal wall weakens and cannot provide adequate support to the urethra, thus causing leaking. The good news is that women with SUI have many different treatment options available to them.
Dennis Miller
Image
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
Dennis Miller
Image
Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.
Dennis Miller
Image
Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.
Dennis Miller
Image
When your mother starts using the word party as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.
Dennis Miller
Image
Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
Dennis Miller
Image
Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.
Dennis Miller
Image
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.
Dennis Miller
Image
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
Dennis Miller
Image
It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
Dennis Miller
Image
After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
Dennis Miller
Image
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
Dennis Miller
Image
Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
Dennis Miller
Image
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Dennis Miller
Image
The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
Dennis Miller
Image
I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
Dennis Miller
Image
I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
Dennis Miller