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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Dennis Miller

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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Novelist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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More quotes by Dennis Miller

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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.
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It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.
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The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.
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Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
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Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.
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What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
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Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.
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It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
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The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
Dennis Miller
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Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
Dennis Miller
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We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
Dennis Miller
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I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
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The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
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I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
Dennis Miller
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
Dennis Miller
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Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
Dennis Miller