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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
Dennis Miller
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Dennis Miller
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: November 3
Actor
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Journalist
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Podcaster
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Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Dennis Michael Miller
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You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
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Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
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I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.
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Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.
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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
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Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?
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Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator
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In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
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Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.
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Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.
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I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.
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I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
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We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
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Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.
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Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.
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For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.
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