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Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.
Denis Leary
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Denis Leary
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
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Television Actor
Television Producer
University Teacher
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Worcester
Massachusetts
Denis Colin Leary
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More quotes by Denis Leary
When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me.
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If you had no enemies, you had no fun.
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Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.
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Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.
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I've been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I've never won one and I probably never will.
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There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
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Liz [Gillies] doesn't really listen to anything new, besides Adele, Ariana Grande, and stuff like that. She loves '70s music and old '60s songs. She loves songwriters from the '70s that I hate, like Jim Croce and James Taylor, and she loves Stevie Nicks and old jazz classics.
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I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it.
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The key thing is to get that one splash - that one song or that one video for a song - that catches people's eyes. Because it's all digital content now.
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I'm in my truck talking to Jesus. And you can see a World Series ring on my right pinkie finger. But when I take my sunglasses off a second later, it's gone. It's the whole divine intervention thing. You know Jesus had something to do with them winning.
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I've only done two other TV shows [instead of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll], one was Rescue Me and the other was a show called The Job, which was at ABC and only on for two seasons.
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I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!
Denis Leary
I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!
Denis Leary
I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh.
Denis Leary
I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen.
Denis Leary
I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare.
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Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, Ok Jerry?
Denis Leary
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.
Denis Leary
I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while.
Denis Leary
I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!
Denis Leary
