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I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens.

Denis Leary

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Denis Leary
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Television Producer
University Teacher
Voice Actor
Worcester
Massachusetts
Denis Colin Leary
Think
Rest
Thinking
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High
Heaven
Stinks
Jesus
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Heavens

More quotes by Denis Leary

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I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory.
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Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool.
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Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, Ok Jerry?
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Don't buy the toys that make the noise!
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When I go to Batman movies, I always think, 'Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.' especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era.
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The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't.
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I needed someone really intense, but also somebody with a lot of theatrical credibility.
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You really want to have a back-up plan, so when you don't feel like acting, or you're getting older and settling down, you can produce your own stuff. So that's when I set about forming my own company and getting creative control.
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I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!
Denis Leary
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That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.
Denis Leary
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Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.
Denis Leary
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What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny.
Denis Leary
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People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!
Denis Leary
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You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.
Denis Leary
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Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection.
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Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold.
Denis Leary
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Most of the women placed in the fire department here in New York never passed the physical test. And a fat guy or a short guy, or anybody not passing the test in a life-or-death job, leads to friction.
Denis Leary
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Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don't think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind.
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I've only done two other TV shows [instead of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll], one was Rescue Me and the other was a show called The Job, which was at ABC and only on for two seasons.
Denis Leary
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I studied acting in school and then of course couldn't get an acting job.
Denis Leary