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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Thing
Believe
World
People
Provides
Empathy
Religion
Best

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin