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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Believe
World
People
Provides
Empathy
Religion
Best
Thing

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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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