Quote

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Person
Something
Frisbee
Like
Sport
Throw
Okay
Playing
Sports
Persons

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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin