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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Thanks
Million
Number
Numbers
Millions
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin