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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Stickers
Sticker
Turtles
Wanna

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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin