Quote

I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Many
Thing
Really
Checkers
Good
Train
Things
Somebody
Saying
Heard

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin