Quote

I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Thing
Really
Good
Checkers
Things
Train
Somebody
Saying
Heard
Many

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
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When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
Demetri Martin