Quote

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Obedient
Pull
Door
Doors
Says
Make
People
Revolving

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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