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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Obedient
Pull
Door
Doors
Says
Make
People
Revolving

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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin