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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Door
Doors
Says
Make
People
Revolving
Obedient
Pull
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
Demetri Martin
