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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Yell
Feel
Strange
Emerged
Feels
Causes
Hints
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Came
People
Word
Furniture
Party
Jump
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Parties
Home
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Cause
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
