Quote

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tell
Parties
Home
Surprise
Need
Cause
Hint
Feel
Strange
Yell
Feels
Causes
Emerged
Needs
Came
Hints
People
Word
Furniture
Party
Jump

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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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