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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Cool
Becomes
Think
Thinking
Exes
Girlfriend

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin