Quote

I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Book
Paper
Like
Objects
Books
Read
Flammable
Use
Napkins
Become
Pile
Stills
Object
Still
Warm

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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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