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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Think
Less
Relevant
Thinking
Show
Mostly
Funny
Daily
Making
Tough
Shows
Comedy
Care
Politics
Things
Chance
Time
Happy
Stewart

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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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