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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Daily
Making
Tough
Shows
Comedy
Care
Politics
Things
Chance
Time
Happy
Stewart
Think
Less
Relevant
Thinking
Show
Mostly
More quotes by Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin